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约会指南 10分钟内了解他的40件事

时间:2020-03-24 08:04:57 出处:未知 作者:未知

    You don't have to date a guy for six months to get the lowdown on who he really is. With the right clues, you can size him up in 10 minutes. "A man's actions -- especially the ones you see in unguarded moments when he's not going out of his way to try to impress you (or doesn't realize you're watching) -- can speak volumes about his character and personality traits," says Rita Benasutti, PhD, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples' issues. To help you decode a guy you've just started seeing, Cosmo called on a team of experts to tell you how to assess his actions and tap into his boyfriend potential, pronto.

    His Favorite Sport

    "Solo sportsmen, like runners and swimmers, 1 savor their independence and relish spending a lot of time alone," says relationship-skills coach Steve Nakamoto, author of "Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man." Men who are fans of mainstream team sports, like football, basketball, and baseball, 2 tend to be competitive -- on the field and in all aspects of their life -- and they like to hang with their entourage. As for the guy who's just not into sports at all, 3 "he's an independent thinker, usually on the sensitive side."

    How Long He's Been Hanging With His Friends

    A guy who has been friends with the same posse since he was 10 years old can certainly claim 4 loyalty as one of his strong suits. But "you better like what you see, because he's probably not great with change," says dating coach Liz H. Kelly, author of "Smart Man Hunting." "And be patient, because it will take a while for you to win his trust." If your date has buddies from all areas of his life -- i.e., college, the gym, work -- don't be afraid to drag him to your cousin's wedding. 5 "He has no problem schmoozing strangers and adapts to new situations easily."

    Credit vs. Cash

    A guy who likes to flash his plastic 6 craves status. "He may be ambitious and confident. He'll reach his financial goals," says Rob Ronin, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and registered financial consultant. "If he always pays in cash, 7 he's self-sufficient and independent," which might make him a difficult dude to corner. And if his wallet is dry? 8 Here's a guy who's dependent on others to take care of him.

    His Bad Habits

    Gambling men 9 are risk-takers, which can make them a lot of fun. "But their over-the-top optimism that they'll come out ahead makes it difficult for them to face reality," says Mitchell Parks, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University, in Nashville. "Hard-core smokers 10 tend to be anxious," says Dr. Parks, so it can be hard to pin them down for couple-time. And if he's a boozer, 11 he could be hiding his insecurity behind his buzz.

    His Communication Style

    When your date opts to email you -- rather than call -- 12 he could be a hard nut to crack. "The fact that he chooses a communication method that allows him to edit what he says signals that he might not want to show his true self," says Jeff Bryson, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego State University. An IM addict 13 craves your nonstop attention and needs that instant assurance that you're there for him. And the phone fan? 14 He might be a little old-fashioned and likes to do things by the book. But, according to Bryson, "he's not afraid of intimacy."

    The Clothes You Wear That He Prefers

    If your fave T-shirt and jeans or a cute little sundress do more for him than your slinky black number, 15 you're dating an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally laid-back, low-maintenance chicks. A man who's wowed by a woman who likes to get dolled up in high-end designer duds 16 places a high priority on prestige. "He'll probably make a lot of money, but it also might play too important a role in his life," says Los Angeles clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. And a guy who wants a Carmen Electra-sensual girl on his arm 17 is looking for an ego boost. "He places a lot of value on being admired and envied."

    How He Deals With Traffic

    If he constantly weaves in and out of cars, tailgates slowpokes, and glares at other drivers, 18 "it's pretty clear that he has a problem with aggression," says Leon James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving." While a forceful personality might take him far in the workplace, it could be difficult to deal with this argumentative guy in a relationship. If he's able to exude Zen-like calm when stuck in gridlock, 19 "he's likely to have more self-control."

    What He Orders in a Restaurant

    A meat-and-potatoes-type guy 20 is usually steady and dependable, says image coach Dianne Daniels, author of "Polish and Presence: 31 Days to a New Image." "But he's also a little unadventurous." If your date goes for exotic dishes, 21 "you're with someone who makes spontaneity a priority and could easily get bored with the status quo."

    Neat Freak or Messy Man

    A guy who puts his dirty socks in the hamper is one thing; a guy who color-codes them in his drawer is something else. 22 "This man is way too fastidious to have fun," explains Daniels, "and he'll expect you to be just as neat." A mildly messy man 23 is looser and more open-minded. But if the inside of his shower has never seen a scrub brush, 24 he may be immature or just plain lazy.

    Favorite TV Shows

    Take note if he parks himself in front of one sitcom after another. 25 "Here's a guy who uses humor to defuse stress," says TV producer Hedda Muskat, author of "Dating Confidential: A Single's Guide to a Fun, Flirtatious and Possibly Meaningful Social Life." This can be a good thing, because he won't hold a grudge against you or lose his cool. But it also might be hard to get into a serious conversation with him, which can be frustrating. "The more you try to discuss something important, the more evasive he will become," says Muskat. A couch sleuth who's fascinated by CSI-type shows, on the other hand, 26 is analytical and thoughtful. "He prides himself on his problem-solving abilities and will be there for you when you need support," says Muskat.

    His Birth Order

    "The oldest child 27 is usually a responsible, take-charge kind of guy," says Nancy Fagan, author of "Desirable Men." If your babe is the baby of his brood, 28 "he's likely to be creative and a little rebellious." As for a middle man: 29 "He's a sensitive soul who needs loads of attention."

    How He Approaches PDAs

    When you're out in public and he's all over you like a rash, 30 "he's either trying to show you off or marking his territory, both of which are signs of insecurity," says Nakamoto. A guy who's allergic to body contact in public is 31 unsure about his feelings for you or your feelings for him. "PDAs are statements of togetherness," says Nakamoto. "If he has doubts, he'll keep his distance physically."

    Whether He Always Drives or Wants You To

    "A guy who doesn't automatically assume driving rights 32 is likely to let you steer the relationship at least some of the time," says Kelly. A man who hogs the wheel -- even in your car -- 33 is sweetly old-fashioned at best and, at worst, could be a control freak.

    The Guy's Grooming MO

    A guy who checks out his reflection in every store window you pass is obviously vain. But, interestingly, 34 it's also a sign of a dude who's intent on succeeding. "Presentation is everything to this kind of man," says Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author of "Complete Confidence." "He sees it as a measure of his self-respect and success." 35 The low-key, less conceited guy might be less ambitious, "but he's easier to connect with emotionally because he's not as superficial," says Hankin. "What counts on the inside matters more to him."

    If He Looks You in the Eye

    "A man who doesn't make eye contact during conversation 36 may not be trustworthy," says speech coach Diane DiResta, author of "Knockout Presentations." "Meanwhile, if his eyes bore into yours as he's talking, 37 he might be trying to intimidate you." But a smoldering gaze -- you know what that looks like -- 38 means he's immensely fond of you.

    His Speaking Style

    If your man moves his mouth a mile a minute, 39 you're with a spontaneous, high-energy guy who may be a little too self-absorbed. "Fast talkers get so wrapped up in making a good impression that they don't pay attention to their audience," says DiResta. Slow talkers 40 typically play it safe. "The way they deliberate every word before it comes out of their mouth is indicative of how they approach life: They look before they leap." So although you shouldn't expect a lot of surprises, at least you'll know he means what he says.

    Things You'll Only Learn With Time

    Your speedy profiling skills won't reveal these tidbits from psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of "Calling in 'The One'."

    How loyal he'll be: Wait and see if you're shown the same allegiance as his buds are.

    If he's a man of his word: Will he really keep those promises he made to you early on?

    His little quirks: Time reveals the small details that really make a person tick.

    If his parents' split haunts him: His broken home may have issued him some big-time emotional baggage.

    你不必为了了解他的底细而与他交往6个月。 掌握正确的线索, 你可以在10分钟内迅速对他作出评估。 Rita Benasutti博士, 精神治疗师, 专攻伴侣问题研究, 说"男人的言行 -- 特别是你在他不特意给你留下好印象而防备松懈的时候看到的那些 (或者是他没有注意到你在) -- 能在很大程度上说明他的品性与人格特点," 为了帮助你对刚刚认识的他进行解码, Cosmo 专门找来了一组专家来告诉你如何在短时间内评估他的言行,并开发他的男友潜质。


    "如果他喜欢个人运动, 比如跑步或游泳, 1那么他会觉得独立的生活是种享受并喜欢长时间独处" ,《男人像鱼: 女性捕男人须知》一书作者,人际关系导师 Steve Nakamoto说。 钟爱主流团队运动,比如足球, 篮球, 棒球等,的男人, 2 则往往有相当强的竞争意识--无论是在运动场上或是在他们生活的点滴之中, 并且他们喜欢跟同好者们终日混在一起。 至于那些根本不喜欢运动的男人, 3 "他们能够独立思考, 而且通常比较感性。"


    一个从10岁开始交的朋友始终都属于同一个社交群体的男人可以毫不犹豫地说 4 忠诚是他的长处之一。 但 "你最好别讨厌现在你所看到的, 因为他不怎么擅长改变自己" 《聪明约会》一书作者,约会导师Liz H. Kelly说, "另外就是耐心点, 因为你很难在短时间内赢得他的信任" 如果你的约会对象的好朋友来自他生活中的各个时期和场合-- 比如大学、体育馆、工作,大胆地把他拽去你表哥的婚礼吧。 5 "他能很轻易的与陌生人闲谈,适应新环境"


    喜欢出示那张塑料卡片的男人 6 对身份地位有较强的渴望。Rob Ronin, 心理学博士,持牌临床心理学家,注册金融顾问如是说:"他可能有较强的成功欲望和自信心。他最终会达到他的财富目标的" "如果他总是以现金付款, 7 那么他的生活是自给自足的,独立的。" 这使得他很难被逼入绝境。 那如果他的钱包干瘪瘪的呢? 8 这表明他很依赖他人对他的照顾


    喜欢赌博的男人9爱冒险,这给他们带来极大的快感。 "他们往往过于乐观地认为他们能大赚一比,以至于他们很难面对现实" 医学博士,美国纳什维尔的范德比尔特大学精神病学副教授 Mitchell Parks如是说。 "顽固烟民们10 往往会显得焦虑不安。" Parks博士说。 因此如何一再让他们安定下来是个不小的问题。 而如果他是个酒鬼,那么 11 他可能习惯将他的不安全感隐藏在他亢奋而含糊的言语中。


    如果你的对象更多地选择给你发邮件,而不是打电话,12 那么他有可能是个难咬开的坚果。圣迭戈州立大学心理学教授Jeff Bryson博士, 说 "假如他的交流方式始终能为他留有修改的余地, 这可能是他不愿意展示真实自我的信号。" 网聊上瘾者则 13 渴望你能够不断地关注他, 并需要时不时地确认你不会离他而去。 而至于那些电话狂? 14 他可能有些许的保守, 并通常依照教条行事。 然而, 在Bryson看来, "他并不惧怕亲昵的行为。"


    如果你最喜欢的T畜恤或者可爱的小吊带裙比起突显身型的黑衣更能使他动心, 则15 你约会的对象是个对自己欲望感官直率的随和的男人。他喜欢跟他一样随和的, 并不十分精细保养的的小妞。 而那些容易倾慕于打扮得光彩照人的女人的男人 16 通常把个人名望看得极重。 "他或能赚大钱, 但与此同时这(名望)在他生活中所占的比重未免太大了。" 洛杉矶临床心理学家 Nancy Irwin博士如是说。 而希望有一个如卡门·伊莱克特拉一般撩人女孩挽住他臂膀的男人则 17 总是希望自尊心能够得到满足。 "他很重视别人对他的赞赏和羡慕"


    如果他总是在车从中穿来穿去, 紧紧地贴住别人的车屁股, 并常常盯住其他车主看, 18 "很明显, 爱挑衅别人是他麻烦之处," 夏威夷大学心理学教授, 《路怒症与攻击性驾驶》一书作者Leon James博士说。而强硬的个性则使他在工作中出人头地, 与这样一个好争辩的人交往可能不是件易事。如果他在交通瘫痪的时候还能抱守清明, 19 "他往往有较强的自制力。"


    常点传统菜式的男人20 一般沉稳,可靠, 形象导师 ,《气质与仪表:31天改头换面》一书作者Dianne Daniels说:"但他同样也会有一点保守。" 如果你的约会对象点的是不是本地菜, 21 "和你在一起的人很爱跟着感觉走,而且他容易厌烦一成不变的现状。"

    洁癖? or 不拘小节?

    有种男人把臭袜子扔进洗衣筐; 而有些男人则把他们的袜子按照颜色分类。 22 "这种男人过于挑剔而无法享受生活," Daniels 解释道, "他同时也期望你像他一般整洁。" 轻微邋遢的人 23 则相对更放松和开明。 但如果在他的浴室里连个板刷都没有, 24 他要不是不够成熟就是懒惰在作祟。


    留意:如果他坐在电视前一个接一个地看电视剧。 25 "他是一个爱用幽默来化解压力的人," 电视制作人 Hedda Muskat, 《约会机密: 单身者如何获得一个快乐、富有激情且有益的社交生活》一书作者说。 这可能是件好事, 因为他不会对你怀有怨恨或者失去冷静。但在此同时,严肃地与他交流可能不是件易事,这通常让人沮丧不已。 "你越想跟他讨论些正事, 他越发地闪烁其词," Muskat说。一个泡在沙发中钟爱CSI(犯罪现场调查)一类电视的侦探迷则 26 擅长推理分析并拥有缜密的思维。"一直使他引以为豪的是他问题解决能力和他总是能够在你需要的时候适时地出现。"Muskat如是说。


    "长子 27 通常是可靠的、愿意承担责任的人," 《合意的男人》一书作者Nancy Fagan 说。如果你的"宝贝"同样也是他们家最小的宝贝, 那么 28 "他通常富有创造力,并且有些叛逆。" 至于那些排行居中的男人29 "他很敏感,并希望别人关注他。"

    他是怎么对待 PDA的?

    当你们外出见人的时候,如果他总是跟你形影不离 30 "他若不是想要拿你来炫耀就是想不断跟别人说你是他的, 而这两种表现都是他不自信的表现。" Nakamoto说。 一个不喜欢在公众面前有肢体接触的人则31 无法把握住他对你的感觉或是你对他的感觉"公开亲昵(PDA)是你们亲密无间的标志。"Nakamoto说, "如果他对你们的感情没有坚定的信念,他会与你在肢体上保持一定距离。"


    "一个不自发承担开车义务的男人32 一般或多或少地让你来掌控你们之间的关系。" Kelly 说。 一个牢牢抓住方向盘不放的人--甚至在你的车里也是这样-- 33 至多是个可爱的守旧分子,而在最坏的情况下,他可能是个有控制癖的人。


    一个在你们经过的每个橱窗都要看一眼自己形象的人很明显是爱慕虚荣的。 但有趣的是, 34 这同样也是他意志坚决想要成功的表现。 "对于这种人来说形象就是一切。" Sheenah Hankin博士,《彻底的自信》一书作者说, "他将这看作是自尊和成功的一种评估与量度。" 35 低调, 没这么骄傲的人通常不会有勃勃的野心与志向。 "但他在情感上更容易与你交融,因为他没有那么肤浅。" Hankin说, "内在的东西对他来说更为重要。"


    "一个在跟你交流时总不看着你的眼睛的人 36 可能不怎么值得你信任。" 演讲导师Diane DiResta, 一书作者说, "同时, 如果他在讲话的时候严厉地盯住你眼睛看,那么 37 可能是想震慑住你。" 但如果他的眼神是炙热的-- 你应该知道是什么样子-- 38 意味着他对你极其中意


    如果你的他说话时嘴动得飞快,那么 39 你在和一个率真的, 充满活力的人在一起,但他可能会点太过关注他自己的事情 ."说话快的人太想要给别人展现一个好的形象了,以至于他们忽略了听众们存在。" DiResta说。 说话慢的人则40 保险许多。"他们对每个将要从嘴里蹦出来的的字都仔细斟酌一番,这便是他们对待生活方式的一种象征:他们在行动之前一定会看清情况。"因此尽管你可能不会在他身上期待太多惊喜,至少你能够知道他会说到做到。


    你的快速识人能力不能使心理治疗师,《找到对的"TA"》一书作者Katherine Woodward,列举的以下特性原形毕露

    他会对你忠诚么?: 他会不会自始至终地对你保持忠贞,让我们拭目以待。

    他会不会说一套做一套?: 他会兑现他早些时候对你做出的承诺么?

    他的怪癖: 时间会揭露他的一些微小但足以让他变得令人讨厌的细节。

    他父母的离异是否在他心中留下阴影: 他破碎的家庭可能会给他背上一个巨大的情感包袱。